Turns out I may even like surprises, some of them at least. The last few days have been pretty great, which is definately not what I expected. I hate how unpredictible life can be, and I usually have reasons to feel this way. Surprises are not my thing. Knowing that sometimes I have no control over what happens to me is highly disturbing. I believe people create their own lifes, but at the same time I feel like there is this mysterious element of luck. It appears out of nowhere, but it can make a big difference. Sometimes it seems to me that fate exists, but I am not sure if I like the idea of ultimate destiny. Future cannot be already written, because it would make life quite pointless. Maybe it is just that we do not know the future, so we can hold on to the idea of putting all the pieces together, in our own configuration. Maybe not knowing is enough. Everybody gets a different set of puzzles to play with, but they say there is no justice in the world. Perhaps it is true, but slighlty fucking depressing. I got so philosophical it makes me dizzy, so this is when I stop this insanity. Nevertheless I am rather fine, just feeling a little blue and smoking a little too much. Take care, all of you.
I have decided to make a Tumblr comeback. Not that I believe my presence makes any significatnt difference, but I gotta say I like it here. Some of you guys have been really great and supportive. Thank you for making a significant difference in my daily existence. I kind of missed the whole thing. This place is Neverland and I can certainly say I am lost. I do not mind the state of wandering around. I enjoy it for most of the time. Nowhere near trying to found my way out of the Labyrinth. Not even sure if I will ever want to. Sometimes being lost feels like the right place to be.
This has been a tough year for me and I simply did not feel like running a blog. I felt too tired and too hopeless to be serious about it. Massive mood swing can be a bitch. I am a kind of person who likes being serious about shit. Some people call it perfectionism. I call it mild paranoia. It does get ugly from time to time, but overall it keeps me alive and focused. I like my paranoia. I may also be a masochist and simply enjoy my daily share of panic over a single typo. We all choose what we want to be. I chose to be a fetching neurotic.
Having that said, I chose to delete all my previous posts. I did like them in a way, but I feel like maybe a fresh start will do me some good. Also a few of them may have been be a little disgraceful. You know, just a tiny little bit of embarassment. I can only hope that from now on I will not write anything silly. Oooops… already did. Light up a cigarette and turn up the music. The party is about to begin.
Wish me luck as I wish you all the luck you can get.